1. THE AVERAGE HUMAN BEING FARTS 14 TIMES A DAY.
How many times they do it in front of others will determine exactly how “human”—actually, “inhumane”—they are.
2. YOU FART ENOUGH EVERY DAY TO FILL A BALLOON.
The average human toots about 700ml of flatus daily—enough to blow up a birthday balloon!
3. THE SPEED OF FARTS.
Farts exit the anus and enter the world at a speed of 10 feet per second, or slightly less than seven miles per hour.
4. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?
Truth be told, only 1% or less of the gas in your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill fart has any odor whatsoever. The main culprit is hydrogen sulfide, which generates those rancid “rotten egg” notes that make farts the bane of the world’s nostrils.
5. WOMEN’S FARTS SMELL WORSE THAN MEN’S.
Sure, there’s a certain breed of male idiot who thinks it’s funny to fart in front of others, and to be fair, women don’t tend to be afflicted with that special strain of sadism. But before they start getting all high and mighty, they should realize that female farts have a higher hydrogen sulfide concentration than male ones and thus, fart-for-fart, they’re smellier than dude farts.
6. A FART BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS STINKY.
The word “fart” is considered a “vulgarism” and—just like farting itself—is not recommended for use in polite company. The polite noun is “flatus,” even though almost no one uses it. The word “fart” is said to have been coined in 1632 and defined as “to send forth wind from the anus.” “Fart” is derived from the Old English word “feortan,” which means “to break wind.”
7. FARTING AMONG THE ANCIENTS.
Roman Emperor Claudius declared that “all Roman citizens should be allowed to pass gas whenever necessary,” which is an ancient variant of the modern maxim, “Wherever you be, let the wind blow free.” The ancient Japanese were said to have held “farting contests” to see who could break wind the loudest and longest. The Greek physician Hippocrates decreed that “Passing gas is necessary to well-being.”..
